Shakes Rewards Legal Dept

Details, Schme-tails…

  • This is just a thanks-for-the-business thing. It’s NOT some sort of promise, debt, contractual obligation, or I.O.U., etc., etc.  You didn’t sign anything, and neither did we. If this thing turns out to be a big mess, and we’re losing our behinds, and we want to end it, we can do that.
  • But we probably won’t, because we did our homework.
  • Be sure to make sure that you’re in the program!  You’re surely NOT in it until you ask to be.  So make sure.
  • The last thing we have time to do is bug you by calling you and having you hang up on us.  We’ll only use  your phone number as a label for your points tally. Or, maybe to call you and let you know that you got to 225 points and forgot your gift card.
  • Aren’t you glad we don’t ask you to carry around yet another rewards card, or key-fob thang?
  • Sales tax doesn’t count, because that’s not sales; we just pass that on to Jefferson City.  Gift card sales don’t count, but when you buy a pizza with the card, that counts. Wine/beer/spirits sales don’t count, because you drink too much anyway. No, no, no, we can’t say that.  We didn’t say that. Actually, it’s because we have screaming deals at the bar all the time as it is, so just take advantage of those. And don’t drink too much. And certain other things don’t count, like service charges and rentals and a few other things.
  • There’s only a one-letter difference between “point” and “pint.”
  • There’s only a one-letter difference between “Ireland” and “Iceland.” Their mail gets screwed up all the time.
  • Points accumulate across all locations.  No matter what you think of those geeks in IT, computer networks are cool. (When they do what they’re supposed to do.)

We don’t have a legal department, but if we did, this is what they might say…

JUST LIKE VOTING, IF YOU DON’T READ THIS, DON’T COMPLAIN.

DISCONTINUE USE IF RASH DEVELOPS. SIDE EFFECTS ARE INCLUDED. YOU CAN SEE THE STORE FOR DETAILS, BUT THERE ARE NONE. GIFT CARDS DON’T EXPIRE UNTIL, AND UNLESS, THE REVOLUTION COMES. CALL YOUR MOTHER. WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO CHANGE, LIMIT, ALTER, COMPLETELY END, OR DO ANYTHING ELSE, TO ANY RULES, TERMS, POINTS BALANCES, CONDITIONS, REWARDS OWED, ETC. ETC., AS WE SEE FIT, FOR ANY REASON, AT ANY TIME, AND WITHOUT ADVANCE NOTICE. BUT WE LIKELY WON’T, BECAUSE THAT  WOULDN’T BE VERY COOL. THIS AIN’T NO CONTRACT OBLIGATING US TO ANYTHING; IT’S JUST A NICE “THANKS FOR THE BUSINESS”. IF YOU FORGET WHAT PHONE NUMBER YOU USED TO ACCESS YOUR ACCOUNT, OR WE LOSE YOUR RECORD ENTIRELY, TOUGH NUTS; BUT WE’LL TRY REAL HARD VERY MUCH TO DO OUR PART. WE’LL DO THE RIGHT THING. GIFT CARDS ARE TRANSFERABLE. VOID IF YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT ANYTHING OR JUST GENERALLY BUG US. SKATEBOARDING IS NOT A CRIME. DESTROYING PUBLIC BENCHES IS. NO CASH VALUE. VOID WHERE NOT VALID. VALID WHERE NOT VOID. GIFT CARDS ARE RE-GIFT-ABLE.