Shakespeare’s Menu


“It’s the pizza, stupid. And maybe the beer. Everything else can go fly.”

Pizza makers

We suggest the pizza…

All our pizzas are served with your choice of wheat or white crust. Hardly anybody orders the wheat, but everybody should. We normally make it medium thickness, but you can have it extra thick or extra thin if you like, and that doesn’t change the price (flour’s cheap). Allergy & Dietary Information →

(P.S. Try our Gluten-Free pizza!)

Ready to Order?

We Deliver! Or pick up at one of our three convenient locations.

Wanna make it at home? Pick up a FROZEN PIZZA today!


~ Pizza ~

Small / Medium / Large
8″ / 12″ / 16″
-OR-
A Large is Not A Large

Our large is 16″ in diameter (201 sq in), always has been. Lots of other nice joints have a 14″ (154 sq in) they call “large”. They call a 16″ (if they have one) Extra Large. A 16″ has almost a third more area than a 14″. So, our “Large” is about a third larger than their “Large.” It’s all semantics, but still … a large is an extra large is not a large. So know that. We do.

  • The Masterpiece $11.20 / 22.20 / 35.20

    ABC News and Good Morning America called this the best college eats in the nation in their Best Bitesd College Edition.  We’re okay with that.

    Red Onions, Pepperoni, Canadian Bacon, Fresh Mushrooms, Black Olives, Green Peppers, Italian Sausage, and Lean Ground Beef.

    This is a huge amount of food. Forks strongly recommended; the toppings all fall off. We sometimes hear “What? Thirty clams for one pizza???”  But consider this: the 16” Masterpiece has a POUND of meat (after cooking) a POUND of vegetables, and is a full meal for four, maybe five. The whole thing weighs about 5 pounds! You pay for what you get.

  • The Pizza Lovers’ Passion $8.65 / 16.65 / 26.20

    Order any five toppings of your choice, you only pay for four.

  • The Darwin $8.65 / 16.65 / 26.20

    Named in honor of our heart-healthy (former) Mayor, Darwin Hindman, and all that he has done for Columbia. Red Onions, Green Peppers, Artichoke Hearties, Turkey, and Tomatoes.  (Order this, it’s good for you)

  • The Vegetablenarian $8.65 / 16.65 / 26.20

    Double Cheese, Red Onions, Fresh Mushrooms, Black Olives, and Green Peppers. Feel free to substitute any of the other toppings. It’s your money.  (Order this. It’s good for you.)

  • The Meat Lover’s 8.65 / 16.65 / 26.20

    This thing has well over a POUND of meat on the large one… after cooking. Pepperoni, Canadian Bacon, Ground Beef, Italian Sausage, and Breakfast Bacon. Don’t ask about nutritional information on this one.  Just… don’t.

  • Panda’s Pepper $8.65 / 16.65 / 26.20

    Brought to you by the letter “P”.  This is one that a whole bunch of Shake’s emps like, but we don’t know why.  Must have been the Eighties. Pepper Cheese, Pepperoni, Green Peppers, Jalapenos, and Banana Peppers.

  • Good Ol’ Plain Cheese Pizza 5.25 / 9.25 / 14.25

    Many say that you should judge a pizza joint by its plain cheese pizza. We agree. A very economical choice and everybody likes it. Or…

    ~ Build Your Own ~

    Add any toppings you like t a Good Ol’ Plain Cheese. Remember, with the Pizza Lover’s Passion, pick any four toppings and get a fifth free.

~ Pizza Toppings ~

  • Toppings 0.85 / 1.85 / 2.99

    Unlike some outfits, we don’t put on less of each topping, the more toppings you order.

    • Extra Cheese
    • (Extra anything, for that matter)
    • Pepper Cheese
    • Red Onions
    • Canadian Bacon
    • Pepperoni
    • Fresh Mushrooms
    • Black Olives
    • Green Olives
    • Italian Sausage
    • Lean Ground Beef
    • Green Peppers
    • Tomatoes
    • Banana Peppers
    • Real Bacon Crumbles
    • Jalapeno Peppers
    • Broccoli
    • Cheddar Cheese
    • Artichoke Hearts
    • Spinach
    • Pineapple
    • Anchovies
Tossin' pizza dough
Darrie Smiles and Eats

Ready to Order?

We Deliver! Or pick up at one of our three convenient locations.
Duff rollin' dough

Lenny. Happy. With a salad.

Ready to Order?

We Deliver! Or pick up at one of our three convenient locations.

~ Salads ~

All our salads make a nice side, or a light meal.

  • Caesar Salad 3.79

    Caesar Salad stuff

  • Dinner Salad 3.29

    Iceberg-Romaine lettuce blend, red onions, cheddar cheese, and tomato. A nice simple dinner salad if that’s all you want, but boy it’s just that. Simple.

  • Louie’s Salad 5.49

    Spinach, sliced almonds, hearts of palm, shredded Parmesan cheese, croutons and a secret, delicious dressing. Named in honor of one of the manager’s dogs, Louie. He doesn’t like the salad (He’s a dog. Dogs don’t eat salad. They eat rabbits. If they can catch them. Otherwise, it’s the same dog chow over and over and over…) But his owner likes him, as well as the salad. Don’t ask us what a heart of palm is. All we’ll say is that it’s kind of like a Vienna Sausage, but it’s a vegetable.

  • Meats and Cheeses 5.29

    Iceberg-Romaine lettuce blend, turkey, ham, Swiss/American blend cheese, cheddar cheese, artichoke hearts, and tomato

  • Ollie’s Salad 5.49

    Spinach, red onions, glazed walnuts, cranberries, mandarin oranges, and Gorgonzola cheese, with a balsamic vinaigrette dressing. Named in honor of the owner’s dog, Ollie. It’s the newest, fruitiest addition to our salad family. But it’s been around since 2010, so it’s not new, just the new-EST.

  • Vegetarian Salad 5.29

    Iceberg-Romaine lettuce blend, red onions, mushrooms, black olives, green peppers, cheddar cheese, broccoli, and tomato

~ Salad Dressings ~

In the Midwest, Ranch dressing is a food group

  • Salad Dressings Comes with salad, 0.46 for extra

    Choice of T. Marzetti’s dressings with the Vegetarian, Meats and Cheeses, and Dinner Salads (The Louie’s and Ollie’s salads already have a dressing. We’ll change it if you want, but trust us, it’s good the way it is.) Dressings (except the Ollie’s and Louie’s) are always on the side in a packet. Extra Dressing Packets – $0.46 – It ain’t the cheap stuff, and it ain’t free. We make like maybe four cents on each packet. Ranch, Fat Free Ranch, Light Italian, Honey French, Honey Dijon, Blue Cheese, Balsamic Vinaigrette


~ Other Stuff ~

  • Frozen Pizzas

    Our frozen pies are available at our restaurants and at local grocers, or you can Order Online and have them mailed to you.

  • Libations

    We have lots of drink options; the best is our good ol’ 22-ounce tumbler. Fill it up with soda (Coke and Pepsi products), tea, lemonade, etc. and then take the cup home! Taking it to go? Try 20-ounce or 2-liter bottles; again, Coke and Pepsi products. We also stock a wide variety of beers (tap, bottle, import, domestic, micro, etc.) and wine. Our locations in The District and out South also offer a full bar.

Guffey all dusty with flour

And remember …

“Have a good time doing it, just wash your hands before and, especially, after.”